Blue Steel. Ferrari. Le Tigre. Toward the end of 2001’s Zoolander, the megalomaniacal Mugatu accuses the really, really, really, ridiculously good-looking male model of recycling the same look over and over again.
Fifteen years later, the same could be said again about Zoolander — both the character and the movie.
After the literal collapse of what was once just a center for ants, our hero’s life is in shambles – his wife crushed in an accident, his son taken away, and his modeling career over. Heartbroken, he exiles himself to the snowy wilderness of New Jersey, until Billy Zane offers Zoolander (Ben Stiller) a chance to pout and walk the runways once more.
Ending the movie there wouldn’t have been a bad idea – ironically, Billy Zane is as good as this movie gets. John Hamburg (Meet the Parents), Nicholas Stoller (Forgetting Sarah Marshall), Justin Theroux and Ben Stiller (Tropic Thunder) have penned a film that zigs and zags unnecessarily. Subplots abound creating a disjointed mess of a story, which would’ve been forgivable had the humor not been such a misfire.
For one thing, I’m not sure if Zoolander still has a place culturally. He’s an artifact from an era when Sandler was king and stupidity was the royal decree. Times have changed; stupidity still exists, albeit a more sophisticated brand of it, and seeing a fifty-year old Stiller go full-retard has lost its edge. You’d think Theroux and Stiller would’ve known better.
To add to that, the film is unapologetically dependent on its star power, delivering more celebrity cameos than actual laughs – trust me, I counted. These range from the amusing (Dead Biebs), the bizarre (Orgy member Kiefer Sutherland), the scary (Valentino *shivers*), and the pointless (Ariana Grande in a ball-gag). And that would be fine, if the cameos didn’t replace the actual jokes. Cameos are not jokes. Otherwise, TV audiences wouldn’t need a giant, red “Applause” sign whenever a celebrity appears.
Most egregious, however, is its unabashed similarity to its predecessor. Jokes, bits, and even characters are recycled to a fault. Remember Derek’s disturbingly erotic mermaid ad? This time he’s a centaur. How about the unforgettable combo of Orange Mocha Frappuccinos and Wham? This time it’s chocolate gelato…and Wham. You could argue that this is a pitfall of the Hollywood sequel – Anchorman 2, Dumb and Dumber To, and to an extent Star Wars Episode VII, can all be faulted with sticking too closely to the successful formula of its predecessors. What we often overlook is that it’s the prequel’s novelty that draws us in. The originality. The shock! And by subjecting these IPs to retreads of what worked, they (and we!) are robbed of the creativity that was so refreshing in the first place.
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When Zoolander finally makes his comeback on the catwalk, he and Hansel (who is so not hot right now, I totally forgot to mention him) are duped into wearing Dr. Seuss-ian onesies, to the delight of a jeering crowd.
“Old?” Hansel exclaims.
“Lam-ey?” Zoolander blurts.
You betcha.
